Whats love got to do with it?!
Well in my case EVERYTHING.
First lets address the big fat white elephant in the room. Yes people, I’m a twenty eight year old woman living in New York, writing about this thing that takes a lot experience and time. These are my opinions and I don’t claim to know it all. I realize I still have so much more to learn and I’m so thankful to have a great support system to help my hubby and I navigate through this thing called life. But you know what… my generation can use an extra voice on this matter! And I’ll be happy to carry the baton for a while.
So what do I know about love?
It’s definitely more than just those gushy feelings and wanting to tear a persons clothes off. Don’t get me wrong; those moments are nice too.
But what really matters are the moments most people don’t see.
The way you make up after a fight. The way you do something for him or her without expecting anything in return. The way their happiness makes you happy. The way you compromise. The way you respect one another.
Love can be the most exhilarating thing a person can experience! And not just any love. I’m talking about the deep, soul stirring, infectious kind of love. The sturdy and grounded yet free kind of love. The never ending infinite kind of love.
Love can be life changing. But marriage can bring different elements into a relationship. You realize that most, if not all decisions affect the person you’re with. Everything becomes “ours” or “we.” Hopefully you can build a partnership. The things you do and say should be intended to help each other grow.
I believe that when you truly love someone it’s not the inability to live without them. It’s the ability to wish them well no matter what that means. It’s understanding that no matter what happens you will love them and want the best for them.
A couple in a sustaining relationship knows how to laugh at the small stuff. They lift each other up. And support each other’s dreams. They leave no room for doubt!
When I think of my blessings my mind immediately goes to my husband. The man who represents home. My safe dwelling. My best friend. My partner who has seen EVERY side of me.
About a year after I met my now husband; Daniel, we both decided to get a tattoo together. An infinity symbol. Little did I know that would be a theme in our wedding. You might be thinking; how in one year did a young couple know they wanted forever with someone? Well to be honest …
I’m not sure. At that point it was totally based on our feelings.
All I knew was that I was head over heels and I felt in my heart… I was with my future husband. There was no doubt. No fear. For the first time in my life, there was so much clarity I never even questioned it.
Yes we argue. Yes we still bump heads. But we try our hardest to understand we are both separate souls learning and growing together.
There’s this old proverb … “we plan, god laughs.” I can relate to this in so many ways. In the prime of my independence and determination to make it as a single woman in NYC; a young man stood beside me on the train platform and spoke to me. My life was changed that day.
Fast forward a few weeks… we instantly became best friends. It shocked me how well he treated me especially in a city where chivalry is a rare commodity. But for me the friendship is what hooked me. We laughed non stop. (And also couldn’t keep our hands off each other)
You see. When it came to men I was dating, I was used to questioning. To doubting. To getting upset. But Daniel left no space for that. And maybe it’s because I went into it knowing the kind of man I wanted after my past experiences. Who knows. But it was like the list I made in my head and asked God about was standing right there in front of me. Power of prayer is real guys!
And YES I had a list! At the top? Family man. Then things like honesty, physical attraction and good in bed followed. The funny part is if you asked me then about my list I would’ve told you that it’s for a guy I will probably meet in my 30s or 40s… if ever!
When people ask me about how I knew I found the one I tell them because it was easy. It didn’t hurt. I knew how much he loved me by his actions. I wasn’t confused. I’m a big believer in the notion of when two people truly love each other there’s no room for doubt. You’re not sitting at home after a while wondering, “but does he like me?” Yes things come up that you question. But overall when it comes to knowing if that person will be there for you… there shouldn’t be any confusion.
Love is like the net you fall in when times get rough. It’s not the thing you should be questioning. Question things like sharing the same values. Whether or not you want kids. If their lifestyle works with yours. Whether you want Thai or Italian food for dinner. Those are fair questions. You shouldn’t be questioning if you are indeed a top priority. The “one” will automatically make you first on their list.
We all want love. If you’re in a healthy marriage or relationship give gratitude every day. If you are looking for love, be open to being in love with yourself first. And if you have decided relationships aren’t for you. I totally respect that, but if you can; find love in other ways. Because at the end of the day love is the most precious thing and everyone deserves it in their life.
❤️- Alicia
